S1E1 Friendship Through Heartbreak

In the launch episode of 'Breaking Up with Naive,' the host introduces the podcast's premise and sets clear expectations, emphasizing that the content is rooted in personal experience and spiritual journey rather than professional counseling. The episode dives into the theme of friendship during various kinds of heartbreaks, featuring a heartfelt conversation with Melissa Diaz Webb, a lifelong friend. The discussion covers their unique religious backgrounds, mutual support during difficult times, and shares personal stories of overcoming heartbreak. Key insights include the importance of faith, the value of listening and supporting each other, and strategies for emotional healing and forgiveness.

Transcript

Friendship Through Heartbreak

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Hello and welcome to the launch episode. So first ever episode of Breaking Up with Naive. It's not a heartbreak, it's a rebrand. So, um, as you all are getting used to the information that I'm gonna be sharing in these podcasts, I really wanted to start. By just giving the disclaimer that I am not a trained counselor, I am not a trained mental health counselor.

I had, I do not do mental health assessments. So the information that you hear in this podcast is strictly based off of my life experience and my spiritual journey and walk with Christ. So I just wanna make sure that I, I do say that, um, and I hope that women get tips throughout these episodes and throughout this podcast, but just wanna make sure that everybody knows that.

Um, and kind of the, the start of this [00:02:00] whole podcast concept came quite a bit ago. I would say probably a, a year or more ago. Um. When I was going through a different kind of heartbreak and I thought, you know, Lord, I hear you. You want me to share with people. Um, but then there, you know, there's people that say, don't share.

You shouldn't be sharing. You should be quiet and let the Lord grow you and I, and I do believe in that as well. And so. Doing a lot of that and listening and trying to really grow in my journey with Christ and spiritually. Um, and then it led me into, uh, this most recent situation that ended up in heartbreak as well.

And I thought, okay, Lord, like I hear you now. I know you want me to, um, address this in some way, shape, or form. So I use a lot of different resources and. The most important and the most essential resource that I would say I cannot live without is the Holy Bible [00:03:00] and God's word. Um, Christ is the most important thing in my life, and he is the way that I am going to get through anything.

Um, having said that, I really wanted to start this podcast and do the launch episode talking about friendship. During heartbreak, and when I say heartbreak, that can be multiple kinds of heartbreaks as we're gonna learn in today's episode. So I am so thrilled and happy to have one of my, almost lifelong.

Mm-hmm. Best friends, Melissa Diaz Webb with me today, and we were. College freshmen together at the University of Florida. Um, and Melissa, I'm going to let you tell our listeners how we met and what that first looked like. So we were in a class together. Mm-hmm. And I think we were on a field trip or something.

We were on a trip. We were in a van. And I remember you were sitting next to me and you were like, hi, I'm Becky. Who are you? So [00:04:00] that's what I remember. And then I was your first Miami friend. Very first Miami friend. Yeah. Yes. Uh, so that's what I remember. Yeah. Okay. Well that's pretty good memory. Um, I remember being a small town Panhandle girl.

Mm-hmm. Who had been exposed to some culture because I had traveled the state of Florida pretty good bit as a officer in a youth organization as a state officer for that youth organization. But having said that, it was like I really hadn't been exposed to. Different, um, denominations of religions, different, um, ethnic cultures.

Like there was, there was still some lack of, of exposure for me. Um, and I just remember being in that class and you introducing yourself and I said, so why are you majoring in agricultural communication? And you said. You remember? No. You were like, I'm gonna save the environment. Oh yes. I'm not, you were like, I'm not here because of agriculture.

I'm here because of the [00:05:00] environment. Yes. And, and your goal was to save the environment. Um, and I, you know, during that time in the, in the early to mid to late nineties, saving the environment meant something different than it does different today. And so that conversation looked different. And I remember thinking, oh boy, like.

I'm gonna have one of these in class that I'm gonna have to like, argue with, but we didn't argue. Mm-hmm. It was a learning experience for me, a girl from Miami in agriculture, but I fell in love with agriculture and worked in it for many years. So it was it, and I found you. So, you know, it worked out great.

It did work out great. Um, and I just, you know, we had so many fun experiences and we won't get into all that on the podcast today. Um, but gosh, we, we were connected in so many ways and I had a wonderful opportunity to learn how to eat Cuban food, um, that you would make. And I remember being in a hotel room.

At a [00:06:00] conference and we were sharing a room and you were on the phone with your grandmother. Mm-hmm. And you literally could go from Spanish to English, like it was nothing. And you're communicating with her in Spanish. And I mean, I remember you hung up and started talking to me in English and I'm like, how do you do that?

Your face was priceless. You were like, what? So I mean, there was just a lot of, um, learning experiences with that for both of us. For both of us. Us, you're right. So when we talk about friendship during heartbreak, um, and I talk about, you know, being very faith-based and how I deal with heartbreak. And how I cope with it.

Um, you've done the same, but we actually have two different backgrounds when it comes to our, um, denominations. And so tell me a little bit about growing up Catholic and what that looked like for you. So I am what we call a cradle Catholic, right? So Catholic, my whole life, um, Catholic school, my whole life and actually coming to UF was the first time I was exposed to different religions and different.

[00:07:00] Types of Christianity. Um, but ultimately it's all the same, right? Right. It's all based and rooted in Christ. Um, and it's about composing ourselves and carrying ourselves with that knowledge. Um, Catholic faith is very tradition based, so we do have a lot of traditions. Uh, Becky went to my very long bilingual full Catholic mass wedding, so she knows Fun experience.

Fun experience. Uh, but at the heart of it, it's the same. Yeah. I mean, um, I think probably one of our first experiences with me experiencing your denomination was a funeral that we attended for a professor of ours that tragically passed away, um, while we were students and he was Catholic and we were attending his service.

Um, and I remember you saying, don't be nervous. Just follow along with what I do. And I said, okay. You know, 'cause I grew up Baptist, um, and Southern [00:08:00] Baptist at that. So it looked very different how we worship, even though we worship the same Lord. Right. And so, um, anyway, you said to me, just follow me, it'll be fine.

And then I remember at one point we kneeled and we stood up and. May peace be with you and I, and I looked at you and I said, and you too. And you said, no, you're supposed to say the same thing back. And I was like, I'm okay. Oh, this is like rough. You know? And it's just one of those small little experiences, but you can learn to appreciate that as you get older and realize that the foundation of that for us, for you and I are the same.

Yes. Um, and that we rely heavily on our faith in Christ to get us through. Moments when we really, our flesh tells us to do something else, right? Yeah. And we'll talk about that as we get more into the heartbreak. But, um, so you and I have experienced different heartbreaks. I do remember you experiencing a relationship heartbreak when we were in college.

Yes. Um, and I, I [00:09:00] remember a lot about that. And then there's some things I don't remember about that. But you remembered something in particular about, um, my friendship with you during that time. Yep. So you were. Engaged. You weren't married yet. You were engaged. And so you were in a stable relationship. And I was in a committed relationship that ended and I was devastated.

And I remember you were at my apartment and there was a knock on the door and it was flowers and I thought it was from the ex-boyfriend. And you quickly, you realized it. As soon as you saw my face, you knew. And you said, no, no, they're for me. They're for me. Um, so I remember that you were there for me and you sent me flowers and you, and it was, it was, it made us both laugh, which we really needed at that moment.

So we did. 'cause you were in tears and at the same time you were laughing through the tears. And truthfully, I felt so bad 'cause I was like, dummy, dummy. Like, why would you send flowers? Of all things? Like, because, but you [00:10:00] know, in my mind I thought, well this will like, hopefully help ease the pain some.

Yeah, so it is interesting how, you know, we think about that and so fast forward and you have been married for how many years now? Almost 25. Yeah. And I was fortunate enough to get to go to Miami and be a part of the wedding celebration and, um, have watched you and your husband grow and um, and have a child together and like wonderful things.

And you got to watch me get married and also experience the birth of two children and be there. And during that time you made a little bit of a career change. Yes. So you went from being in agriculture and doing some career, um, jobs there to end up, you went to nursing school. Right. So I went to back to school to be an RN with the ultimate goal of becoming a nurse practitioner, which I did.

Um, and now I have the pleasure of you being my patient, which is wonderful. It is wonderful. It's so wonderful to have your friend as your [00:11:00] caretaker too for a lot of different reasons, pros and cons, because you are hard on me whenever you don't agree with my decisions, but that's okay. Like, that's what I love about our friendship is we can be honest with each other.

Um, but when we talk about that, you know, you watch me go through a divorce and, and I'm not gonna dig into all my heartbreak situations on today or on this episode, um, but. Ultimately, we both just recently, within the last six months, have gone through a heartbreak at the same time, but they looked very different.

Mine was more of a relationship heartbreak. Um, and yours was a business partnership heartbreak. Mm-hmm. So tell me a little bit about that. So it was, I think it hurt more because there was an underlying friendship. Um, but it was a business. Um, you know, I've always, I've had my own business for quite a while, and then I joined a friend.

Um, to build that business with the intention of building both of our businesses together side by side, long term, um, number of reasons that [00:12:00] did not work out. Um, so we separated, uh, separated the businesses, um, but unfortunately things have not gone as I expected. And that's a big part I think, of heartbreak that we both experience is that our expectations.

Were such, and when they were not met, it just becomes very hurtful. Absolutely. And that's really hard to get past. Um, but it's also about letting go and thinking, okay, that was my expectation. Right. But there is a higher plan. And looking back at everything that has transpired since that separation. God was looking out for me the whole time.

Yes. And I think you see that with your situation as well. Absolutely. Um, so it's, it's a letting go of what you think you wanted is very challenging, but being open to new and better things mm-hmm. Is [00:13:00] very rewarding at the end. But it hurts in the way, on the way it does hurt on the way. And I will say even this far out, you and I both have good days and bad days.

Yes. Like there are some. Times that. Um, and so I don't love the word trigger, but really that's kind of what it is. Something happens that makes you recall that painful experience, and then you have to really work hard to refocus that. Um, and for me, I know I have to instantly pull out scripture and pull out God's word and start reading it.

And I, you know, am listening to, um, the message on Sirius XM and making sure I'm listening to Christian music. Okay. And really trying to pour God's love and the story of his love back into my heart. And how, how do you refocus? I try to see God in things. Like just this morning I called Becky because there I witnessed a pretty significant accident right in front of me and [00:14:00] my first thought was, thank you Lord for keeping me safe and you know, keep them safe.

And thankfully everybody seemed okay. But I try to look for God in everything, in every little thing. And he's there. It's just a matter of finding it. Um, like the space that I wanted for the business, you know, that was kind of the space I am in now happened because God knew that I needed it to happen.

And it was, my chiropractor of many years found a building and was like, I, this is too big for me. Mm-hmm. And things just kind of worked out that we could do it together. Right. But I would've never in a million years thought that for myself. Right. So that was definitely a God moment. And there are so many around us.

Um, you know, even with our kids, we see God guiding them and their lives and we just have to look. Yeah. You just have to look and, you know, and I'll add to that by saying one of the things [00:15:00] that, um, the stage that I'm in at this moment that I'm really trying hard to get to is. Um, in the past week, I have really started praying for the people who broke my heart.

Um, you know, the, the person that made promises that changed, um, and, but like that person is no more or less of a sinner than I am. Um, and I've really had to say, you know, I've made my own mistakes and I've hurt people, and so how dare me. Not pray for this person or these people and, and at some point have enough forgiveness in my heart because that releases the betterness for me.

And that's, I would say, really hard. I mean, where are you at in that journey? I think that is the hardest part is, is trying to provide forgiveness is very challenging. I think for all of us. Mm-hmm. Um, I [00:16:00] feel I am particularly stubborn about it, but, um, you know, I think it starts with little steps at a time.

Um, I've never wished, uh, my former business partner any harm. Um, I actually wish nothing but success, you know, uh, in my perfect world we'd both be super successful and, and it would be great. Um, and I know that that will happen. So I think little things like well wishes and, and little good feelings about that person.

Mm-hmm. Um. And I think that's where it starts, but I am, that's, I struggle with that one. Yeah. No, I think that definitely is a stage that is probably the biggest struggle and it takes a lot of time in God's word and a lot of reflection, self-reflection. Um, and not only that, but a lot of putting some strategies into practice.

And for me, that means specifically writing that name or those names or people's names down in a prayer journal and say the name. And say exactly, you know, what you're [00:17:00] asking the Lord for. Um, and I do believe that he answers those prayers, but you know, in thinking about that journey, um, our friendship has meant so much because there's been times that you've been able to text me to vent, like when certain things happened or certain.

Absolutely. Um, and of course, you know, sometimes I think, man, I'm, I'm really not a good friend because I don't always give the response that you probably hope. But vice versa. And so having said that, I mean, what do you think is the hardest thing about being my friend, especially during these heartbreaks I've experienced?

I think the hardest thing has been to see you doubt yourself and to have some dark thoughts as to whether you need to be here or not. That was the hardest part. Okay. I'm gonna get a little emotional. Didn't plan on that. Um. It's true though. You, um, [00:18:00] the devil mm-hmm. Loves for you to have self-doubt. Yep.

The devil loves for you to believe that you don't have value. Mm-hmm. And that you're not worthy of God's love or anything else that God has to offer you. Um, and it's not true. Right. It's not true. And, and that is a journey too, and. One of the things that I think you did as my friend during, um, all the heartbreaks is you have provided me with even earthly ways of increasing my self-confidence.

Um, and that looks different for women. Um, and it also, you know, financially can look very different for women and that's okay. You know, and I think you have really been able to provide that level of friendship that. While I have a lot of great friends in my life, and you do as well. Each friendship has its own unique offerings to each other.

Yes. Um, and in saying [00:19:00] that, you know, what are your tips for being a friend during heartbreak? Listening and not jumping to offering your opinion unless asked, which is hard. That's a good one. Sometimes that's a good one, especially for me. Mm-hmm. But, um, I remember you coming to my office when, when kind of you knew the relationship you were in was coming to an end and being very upset, but also being very willing to let go of requirements that you should have for yourself.

And I, it was very hard for me to say, to not say Becky. Stop it. Yeah. You deserve better. Um, but I didn't because that's not what you needed to hear at that moment until you were able to come to that conclusion yourself. Mm-hmm. I, I couldn't [00:20:00] push you to that conclusion. You, and you had to come to it yourself, me pushing it would've done nothing but push me away.

And that's when two people truly understand each other. Mm-hmm. Um, and so for me, I feel like. I've tried to support your business in any way that I could, um, in promotion and also behind the scenes. Mm-hmm. You know, just try to be cautious about what I shared. So, you know, the, the thing hap when you go through heartbreak social media and hear, you know, this is a podcast that'll be shared on social media.

It has a lot of positives, but it also has a lot of negatives and drawbacks, especially when people are very connected and things get shared that, um, again, trigger you or make you feel a certain way that you weren't expecting or it takes you by surprise. Um, and I was really conscientious about.

Following things that your former business partner was doing and making sure that I wasn't sharing those things with you because I knew some [00:21:00] of that would be hurtful and would not be beneficial. Um, and it would just create an extra level of anxiety that you didn't need. I'd prefer to encourage you in other ways.

Um, and I have no regrets about that. Um, because you were gonna find out certain things anyway and then I could like be there in that moment. Yeah. And you were always prepared, like you would know things. And then someone else would inevitably share it with me. And then I would go to you and you're like, yeah, I knew Yeah, but you were prepared.

Like you knew what to say to kind of get me through it. And that was very helpful. Yeah. So, you know, I, um, just appreciate the friendship and for all the women out there who are. Struggling in some form of heartbreak. And again, um, you know, I've been through a divorce and several relationship, um, breakups and lost my best friend from childhood, um, to, to a death.

And there's just been multiple other layers and, [00:22:00] and women have all different kinds of heartbreaks. I mean, I have friends who have unfortunately lost children, um, lost spouses. Um. They have also struggled maybe with academics. I mean like all of these things or they've lost a job or, um, the job is not going like they want and they're struggling even losing a friendship.

And that's something that we'll talk about in a later episodes that what I call a secondary loss. So you might, um, go through a divorce, but then you might also lose friends in that process and go through a secondary, um, loss. Secondary heartbreak. And so throughout all of those things, you know, I just want women to know that there are other women going through it.

And, and I'll say that I so many times in my various heartbreaks, I've been really transparent. Some people would tell you that I'm too transparent and that's okay, because I'm gonna be me and I'm gonna be [00:23:00] myself. Um, and everybody has a right to their opinion, and there may be people who are gonna turn this podcast off and never listen to it again.

And that's okay. But if there's anything that I want to be able to say that I would want you to hear out of this entire podcast, it's that you are worthy of Christ's love, and Christ is gonna provide you with the things that you need. You know, he's going to provide you with the things that you need. Um, and that's just so, so important.

So, um, that being said, any last final thoughts on friendship through heartbreak? Support each other. Love each other. Tell your friends you love them. Make them uncomfortable. We tell each other, we love each other all the time, so we do. Just remind your friends that you love them. All right? I love you, Melissa.

I love you. All right, till next time.

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